Another work related hazard...

Another hazard of working at the mall?

Being pulled into random press releases and asked to wear a shirt with an "8" on it.

But in all seriousness, it's a great message. Have a great Thanksgiving and be safe.

 

**CONTEST** Win a $10 Barnes & Noble Gift Card!!!

Because the people at work are trying to kill me you, my friends, get lucky!

This year I took a position at as a kiosk manager for a popular sausage/cheese chain at my local mall. The job would last for seven weeks. Or at least that's what the district manager told me. What she didn't tell me was the job would last either seven weeks or until my head exploded.

Last Wednesday was my day off. During this time I received seven frantic phone call from employees for various things that really didn't need my immediate attention. I didn't think that could be beat.

I was wrong.

Yesterday, Sunday, was another day off for me. The mall closes early on Sundays, and yet, I received EIGHT phone calls. To give you an example of what they sounded like here's and actual transcript.

ME: Hello?

EMPLOYEE: Hey. We can't find the paychecks.

ME: They're in the safe.

EMPLOYEE: No they're not. I looked.

EMPLOYEE #2 in background: I looked too. They're not in there.

EMPLOYEE: Did you move them?

ME: No. I put them in the safe.

EMPLOYEE: I looked in there. I really need my paycheck. Did you take them with you?

ME: No. They're in the safe.

EMPLOYEE: **Exaggerated Sigh** Fine. I'll look again. But they're not in there.

**silence**

EMPLOYEE. Oh my God! The checks are in the safe! They were under the change bag the whole time!

(Keep in mind the change bag is clear plastic)

ME: **click**

5 minutes later my phone rings again

ME: Hello?

EMPLOYEE #2: Just calling to let you know we found the checks!

ME: **hangs up phone and heads to liquor store**

Keep in mind also, that I'm soon to be thirty and most of my employees are older than me.

So here's the deal, in order to keep some semblance of sanity, I've decided to turn my next day off into a contest. That might make the phone calls a bit more interesting. Here's the deal:

Sunday, November 29th, is my next day off. Please put in the below comments your guess as to how many phone calls I receive that day. It might be zero (doubtful), it might be 100 (more likely). If your guess is the same as someone else's I will shuffle the winning guesses and pull out a random name. The winner will receive a $10 Barnes & Noble gift card! Sound like fun? I hope so. The only other contest I could have was guess how many phone calls it takes for Cole to drink herself into a drooling stupor. And the only winner there is me :)

The contest ends Saturday at midnight so get your comments in now!!!

Rifftrax

So my friend Sean J. Jordan turned me on to this website: Rifftrax.



It's by the same guys who did Mystery Science Theatre 3000 - a personal favorite of mine, and yes, I am a nerd.

Here are some samples of what they've done with Twilight that will make you laugh so hard you'll cry.





Go to their website and buy their MP3's. You won't regret it!

An extension of the Drama Post - LIFE DRAMA

Okay, so I had the entire day off work yesterday. I was super stoked to crank out some major wordage and as it turns out, I didn't write a single one.

Why?

Life Drama. We received some pretty upsetting news yesterday that threw me into a major funk.

So my question to you, friends, how to you write through the Life Drama? Or do you hole up on the couch, like me, with a pint o' Hagendaz?

Please comment cuz I really wanna know! (My waist line and my WIP depend on it!)

Blog Chain Post: Drama!

Today's blog chain topic was chosen by Christine who asked:

How do you create a wonderfully dramatic story? Are there any questions you ask yourself, or specific things you keep in mind to ensure that you have the level of tension necessary to propel the story forward?

Now, if you have a moment, I highly encourage you to start at the beginning of this chain and read through. You'll find some fabulous answers. Answers that I was ready to give myself.

Things like:

1. Bringing on the pain. Making your character's fears come to life.
2. Keeping their desires in front of them, but just out of reach.
3. Treating each chapter like its own mini story arc.

Because I'd hate to repeat what's already been said, I can offer what I hope would be one little pearl of wisdom on the matter. It's something my fabulous agent, Chris Richman, has pointed out to me several times.

Short chapters.

Sounds too easy, right?

But it works. Short chapters keep the story moving at a fast pace, and a fast pace equals drama. How many times have you found yourself reading late at night and skipping ahead to see when the chapter ends. If it ends in a couple pages you'll keep reading. And if the next chapter is only a few pages long you'll read to the end of that one. And so on and so on.

But if you're reading late at night and the next chapter break is thirty pages away, chances are you'll put the book down until morning.

So there you have it. Sorry again for the late post. Check out Shaun's response before mine and Rebecca's which will be posted later today or tomorrow.

The Blog Chain: FEAR

This week's topic was started by the vivacious Kat who asked,

What are the primary fears that drive your characters? Do they battle aliens of gangsters or monsters? Or do they battle unreconciled issues in their lives? Which do you prefer writing about? What do you fear?

My fear can be summed up in one word: ICE.





Those ain't no photobucket stock pics.

That. Was. My. Car.
(Station wagon, actually. But who can tell?)

In 2002 I was traveling along I-40 in St. Louis and coming up to the old Bush Stadium. It was beginning to sleet so I slowed my pace. The interstate arched upwards and at the top of the hill I was surprised to see that the cars below were at a standstill. I tapped on my brakes and while my car fish-tailed I was able to come to a safe stop.

Then I looked in my rearview mirror. Even at a glance I could tell the guy flying over the hill would be unable to stop.

He didn't.

And neither did the eighteen cars after him.

I walked away from this accident with 30 staples in my head, a concussion, and lots of bumps and bruises. (Incidentally, when your Mom warns you to wear clean underwear - heed her! I told the paramedics my leg hurt and my pants were cut off faster than you can say, 'Yes, I wear granny-panties, what of it!')

Because of this accident I've had an eight-year prescription of anxiety relieving drugs and I. Do. Not. Drive. On. Ice. Sometimes, if I close my eyes I can still hear the whine of twisting metal - feel the warmth of the blood as it trickles down my face.

But this wasn't my first brush with death. I almost drowned at sailing camp. I was in a tornado. My brain swelled so severely from a horseback riding accident they nearly drilled a hole in my head. The last incident I prefer to keep private. In honor of these occasions I have a tattoo of a black cat with the words "nine lives" drawn overhead. Underneath I have five tally marks. (The poor kitty deserves his own tally mark as he did not fare so well during my pregnancy - his location is on my abdomen.)

Because of this I'd like to think that I can express fear in my writing in a way that others may not. I know what it feels like to stare down the end of a barrel. Your heart pounding so loudly it drowns out all other sound. The tingling of adrenaline as it races along your skin on insect legs. The thickness of your throat when you're trying to scream, yet the sound won't come. So, while my fears can sometimes get the better of me, I can take some joy in the fact that these heart pounding experiences only served to benefit my writing.

So how about you? What experiences have you had, good/bad, that have changed your writing?

Please check out the astounding Shaun who posted two days ago, and the awe-inspiring Rebecca who will post later today because I am, once again, a slacker.

:)

Life lessons learned from my stripper roommate...

So I'm going a little off topic today because my last post generated such interest. Specifically, my experience living with a stripper. If you didn't read my last post the details are this:

When I was 17-years-old and a senior in high school I moved out on my own. My guidance counselor was a saint and enlisted me in the work-study program which allowed me to leave classes at lunch so I could work full time at the local Cracker Barrel. One of my classmates said that her cousin was looking for a roommate and the price was CHEAP! I thought I had it made...

...until I found out she was a stripper.

**Disclaimer**
Please note the following list is composed by my experience with this particular stripper. I realize that not all strippers are the same and some have hearts of gold - as demonstrated by Julia Roberts and Demi Moore.

So without further adieu,

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY STRIPPER ROOMMATE

1. Personal Hygiene is optional.
2. There is NO such thing as Too Much Information.
3. Never leave the house without a good smearing of white eye-liner.
4. Glitter - It's not just for 12-year-olds!
5. You don't have to ask if they're real - they never are.
6. If you don't break you neck when you fall then the heels aren't high enough.
7. While your reason for stripping is justifiable (insert sob story here) everyone else that does it is a skank.
8. The proper position for entering any room is to cover your eyes and shout, "Are you decent?"
9. If people can't tell how cold you are with a glance, then your clothes aren't tight enough.
10. Who needs dieting and exercise? The secret to a slim sexy body? Lemme just say it's illegal...
11. If you come home and can hear giggling through the front door - Leave! Do not pass go, do not stop to collect $200, get the sam heck out of there!

And there you have it. If anyone else has any nightmare roommate stories I'd love to hear them!